How do you tell someone that you can't just tell them what's going on in your head cause it wouldn't make sense?

You're so happy, it makes you weak. Not emotionally, fuck that. Physically. No strength, no will no nothing. It gets lonely and eventually you reach the next phase where you don't WANT to see anybody. Yeah, that's right. That's the thing you do when you're lonely. Push everyone away. They want you to join the family dinner, and so do you. But you can't. How do you explain that? How do you say you keep postponing it?

- One day, I'll write it all down on paper. All of it. And then I'll give it to you, you'll read it and you'll understand. You won't think me as selfish anymore. You'll know I don't mean it when I hurt you. You'll know I love you very much and I'm scared of letting go. The thoughts haunt me and I'm terrified. You'll know that's the reason I don't sleep well lately. You'll know how I fight back the tears at night so nobody knows, for that exact same reason.

You'll do it as soon as you get some balls. You realize it will be too late by the time you do. Right about now you're entering the last phase and you realize you just did a 360, once again. It doesn't get you places.

You're twisted and fucked up by your own thoughts. Time is running out. Sooner than later all the sand will end up on the bottom half of the clock and you're going to regret your own lack of sincerity. That's okay cause you hate yourself already.