I want to slap myself for this kind of behavior. I really do.

I think I'm back to where I started the loop. Kinda curious to see whether this one was yet another mistake. I'll have a good laugh of it either way.

Today's just not a good day in its entirety. First day of school, drizzling rain, unwanted memories.. that kind of bullshit.

No, I lied. Berger's cracking voice made an hour of my day.

And that was that..

Had a dream tonight. You were in it.
There's a skyscraper that is really tall but has only 13 (haha) floors. A building full of little box offices and computer desks. You had a plan of torturing a certain group of people (I'm guessing 13) to death to send some kind of a message. Something like the movie Se7evn. And somehow I knew about it beforehand. I was supposed to be the 13th person..

One day people start showing up to work and finding one body after another. There's one guy who's toe is cut off and he's partially skinned. Someone else is fried on an electric chair (props to you for carrying it in your pocket).

[ This is completely out of line but throughout the dream I kept seeing someone's head floating in the air like a hallucination. It was open and inside, acid blotters were spinning around ]

While they're all busy panicking and running around the first victim's lifeless body, another person is murdered a floor above. And so on..

I was fine with it at first (me being the 13th victim) for some fucked up reason that's unknown to me, but then I change my mind last minute (thank god). We both get to the 13th floor at the same time. It's empty. I'm just standing opposite of you and light my cigarette. You can't do it.

That's when I flick the cigarette and run for the staircase. You follow but there are too many people there. You're close to me but you can't do anything. You flip a handgun in your hand and I smile back.

We meet up for the last time downstairs while everyone’s too busy with the ambulances and shit to notice anything and I just leave the scene. Eventually, so do you.

So you claim

you're good at reading people.

How would you read me if you don't know me? How would you know me if you've only seen one side? The one that a lot of people haven't, but you need all the pieces to get this puzzle. You don't know what my hair looks like in daylight; You have no idea that my eyes are hazel in the sun. Did you know that I still punch my friends when I see a car of a rare color? Or that 5 second rule doesn't count unless you yell it out?
No.
Get to know me.

How do you tell someone that you can't just tell them what's going on in your head cause it wouldn't make sense?

You're so happy, it makes you weak. Not emotionally, fuck that. Physically. No strength, no will no nothing. It gets lonely and eventually you reach the next phase where you don't WANT to see anybody. Yeah, that's right. That's the thing you do when you're lonely. Push everyone away. They want you to join the family dinner, and so do you. But you can't. How do you explain that? How do you say you keep postponing it?

- One day, I'll write it all down on paper. All of it. And then I'll give it to you, you'll read it and you'll understand. You won't think me as selfish anymore. You'll know I don't mean it when I hurt you. You'll know I love you very much and I'm scared of letting go. The thoughts haunt me and I'm terrified. You'll know that's the reason I don't sleep well lately. You'll know how I fight back the tears at night so nobody knows, for that exact same reason.

You'll do it as soon as you get some balls. You realize it will be too late by the time you do. Right about now you're entering the last phase and you realize you just did a 360, once again. It doesn't get you places.

You're twisted and fucked up by your own thoughts. Time is running out. Sooner than later all the sand will end up on the bottom half of the clock and you're going to regret your own lack of sincerity. That's okay cause you hate yourself already.

I can't stop myself.
I can't stop going through all the infinite social networking webs to find photographs of you.
At least one. The one I never saw before. I still love your body. More than ever now, actually.
And I want it. Every inch, every line, every muscle...
Not You. You annoy me.
But I want your body.

For the love

of whatever you believe in... stop being so affected by my presence, will ya? I never really gave enough thought to this like I do now. Don't you realize that this is just another challenge for me? Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't enjoy our time together, 'cause I do. I like hearing things I knew long ago coming out of your mouths, thinking that you're confessing something unpredictable and heartwarming. Problem is... well, for you of course, that I get bored. You don't. Neither of you.

And sometimes I wonder if it's all going to come back upon me "3-fold for the normal shit and 10-fold for the freaky shit". Then again, I feel like it already did. I don't know, maybe I'm just shit out of luck and there's so much to come that I better fasten my seat belt, or I'll fall off the ride.

Either way, you're not invincible.
I didn't think you were from the beginning, just wanted to see if I can be better at this than you are.

Turns out I'm a neat little monster.