ODDLY enough,

both books so far are clearly describing painfully familiar events of the last few months of my existence. its like living through the whole course yet AGAIN.

"i hear you on the radio. you permeate my screen
its unkind, but.. if i met you in a scissor fight, i'd cut off both your wings on principle alone."

When it rains, it pours..

Never in a million years did I think that the end of a school year would be so hurtfully stamping my mind with vivid memories, bringing tears to my eyes. Especially that last part. we never seem to notice little things that bring us closer, until.. there's nothing left BUT the little things. front steps, hallways, classes, lockers... so many places we've all been. we've walked the same floor.. at the end of the day, when I was standing alone in an empty, lifeless hall, staring inside my locker with the fucking carving on the door, i felt sad. so unbelievably fragile, that my stronger side of me felt sorry for the one mentioned before. if i could hug myself, i probably would. how pathetic can I be? And so I wrote:

When it rains,
it pours...

underneath the writing that will forever be stored in my picture memory, on the furthest shelf,
And walked out..
" Endings are never easy. I always build them up so much in my head, they can't possibly live up to my expectations and I just end up disappointed. I'm not even sure why it matters to me so much how it ends here. "

I'm in a lot of pain lately, physically. My body is giving in so it seems but the fact of the matter is that there are no concrete reasons for it to do so. I don't smoke as much anymore but I sure shake like I used to. I am excited for what is ahead, but all I know is that I need a break, or else sooner or later I'll start taking on some of that genetic inadequacy.

Saturday

They take you, they make you.. forget that you're needed
But hey its just another Saturday

Wonder why I hate you?
But I'll scream and ask for more
I'm standing I'm knocked down, but you won't open the door

That felt nice.

I've just witnessed my rat trying to sleep.Vertically.
Hmm... ;D

FCUK!

i. need. those. tickets.

Blink 182 with Weezer
Molson Amphitheatre

Toronto, ON
Sun, Aug 23, 2009 06:30 PM

Describing me from your perspective

"..but do stop before you can't take it anymore, that's all I'm asking."

I was asked recently, if I had a chance, would I go back in time, and whether I have any regrets, or perhaps some things I would've done differently.
I never seemed to have a problem answering that question. But in my mind, I do.
Now that I feel like I'm finally starting to let go, bit by bit, you are slowly becoming... my inner voice. Something along those lines, anyway. Here comes the part where I get a bit confused: would I go back and change something so I would not have to be reconstructing myself entirely right at this point of life, or is it better to learn the hard way?

I can spend hours or days even trying to figure it out.
Does it matter?

I guess in the end, I wish I could relive those precious moments, only so I could enjoy and appreciate every second, as I should have done..

I miss you.